


Knight In Shining Armor(Better Late Than Never)

by likezoinxman



Series: Monster In The Dark [3]
Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Gen, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 07:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likezoinxman/pseuds/likezoinxman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something was wrong, Kendall could fell it in his bones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knight In Shining Armor(Better Late Than Never)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted [here](http://shishi-fic.livejournal.com/5528.html) at my LJ.

There was something wrong. 

Kendall wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but something had changed in their group dynamic. Logan was quieter and a lot more skittish than normal. He had been going straight to his room to study whenever they weren’t in the studio, muttering something about college entrance exams, which was, Kendall had to admit, a very _Logan_ thing to do. But nothing he said could get him to change his mind about studying and when even _he_ couldn’t cajole the smaller boy to come out and hang with them, there was something seriously wrong. 

But whenever he sat down with Logan and tried to talk about it, Logan just brushed him off. “It’s nothing, Kendall. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” he pressed because it was so obvious that there was _something_ wrong. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Logan paused and stared at him, his eyes guarded and that set alarms going off in Kendall’s head because Logan never tried to hide anything from him. Logan opened his mouth like he wanted to say something before thinking better of it and shaking his head, “It’s nothing. Really.” And then he smiled like everything was normal and it was so fake it hurt Kendall to look at it but he let it drop anyway. 

Then there was James, who was more defensive about his actions, his temper flaring faster than ever if anyone seemed just the tiniest bit critical of him. And he was almost always with Logan now – standing next to him, behind him, always close, his eyes trained on the smaller boy, watching his every movement with a fierce possessiveness that Kendall wasn’t all too comfortable with. 

Conversations with James about it always left Kendall feeling like he was missing something huge. “So, what’s with you?”

James looked up at him, eyes wide and a clueless expression on his face that didn’t fool Kendall for a second. “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, man, you’ve been flying off the handle for no apparent reason these past few weeks. What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. Just back off, Kendall. It’s none of your business.”

And he sounded so serious, his voice low and with a hint of a warning that Kendall easily conceded. He wanted to keep the peace. The last thing he wanted was to rile James up. “Okay, then do you at least know what’s been up with Logan?”

James suddenly scowled, “Why would I know anything about Logan that _you_ don’t already know?” And the bitterness in his tone caught Kendall so off guard that he quickly just let it go. For the time being anyway.

He eventually went to the only one of his best friends that was acting normal. And that was saying a lot, considering it was Carlos. 

“I don’t know. They’ve both been kind of distant lately,” Carlos said softly, worry evident in his tone and eyes. 

“James hasn’t said anything to you?”

Carlos shook his head, and Kendall sighed, “Every time I try to ask what’s wrong, he tells me to fuck off and mind my own business,” the shorter boy said, head falling forward slightly in dejection.

Kendall could tell how much that hurt Carlos and he placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently in comfort. “Maybe we should have a team meeting.”

Carlos looked up at him, hopefully. “You think that’ll work?” 

Kendall shrugged, “I don’t know. They’re both so stubborn. If they don’t want to talk about something they won’t. But it won’t hurt to try.” He smiled reassuringly and patted Carlos on the back when the other slumped forward again. “It’ll be okay.”

——

Kendall paused in the doorway, hand clutching the doorknob tightly. His first instinct was to turn away, slip back out the way he came and close the door behind him, because it was obvious James and Logan _weren’t_ in the mood to go for a smoothie with him and Carlos. But something made him stop. Maybe it was the shock of seeing Logan and James together because that was the last thing he ever thought he’d walk in on. Or maybe it was confusion at the sudden flare of anger that erupted in him at the sight of James leaning over Logan, kissing down his bare chest and stomach. Or the deep ache and sense of loss he felt straight after. 

Whatever it was that made him stop, it was long enough for Logan to notice and turn his head towards him. The look in his eyes had him gasping like he’d been punched in the chest. Pained and broken, tears left unshed making Kendall take a step forward, “What are you doing?”

James shot up at the sound of his voice, hair mussed and cheeks flushed. He looked disoriented for a split second before his eyes focused on Kendall, “Geeze, Kendall, ever heard of knocking?”

“I said, what are you doing?” he repeated because the look on Logan’s face said he wasn’t enjoying James’ attention, but at the same time, Kendall couldn’t wrap his mind around anyone _not_ enjoying James’ attention.

James smirked slightly, “What does it look like I’m doing? Or has Jo not let you get that far?”

Kendall’s eyebrows twitched in annoyance and he decided that James probably wasn’t the right one to be talking to. He could be a real dick at times. He turned toward Logan instead, “Are you okay?”

Logan looked at him wide-eyed, arms wrapped around his chest protectively. He saw Logan nervously glance at James before looking back at him. “I’m fine,” he whispered with a small nod and looked down at his lap.

And everything just felt so wrong and Logan was obviously lying because he looked so far from ‘fine’, he couldn’t help but press the issue, his protective instincts kicking in. “Are you sure?”

Logan opened his mouth but James cut him off, “He said he’s fine.”

Kendall turned to James in annoyance, “I wasn’t talking to you.” 

James scowled at that, and stood up, crossing his arms across his chest. “Since when do you care so much about how Logan feels anyway?”

Kendall’s eyes widened, the question surprising him out of his annoyance, “What are you talking about? I always care.”

James scoffed, “Yeah? It’s hard to tell with you flaunting you’re pretty little blonde girlfriend in his face all the time.”

“What are you talking about?” Kendall repeated feeling more off-balance as the conversation kept going. What did Jo have to do with anything? His eyes turned towards Logan when the other boy spoke up, voice soft and pleading, blush spreading across his face.

“James, please don’t.”

“You shut up,” James growled out, sending Logan a dirty look. 

Kendall watched as Logan flinched slightly at the taller boy’s words, turning his face away and annoyance flared up once more in place of the confusion, “Don’t talk to him like that,” he snapped harshly.

James was suddenly in his face, hot breath brushing against his face as he said, “Who’s going to stop me?” in a low, threatening manner. 

Kendall took a step back, annoyance bubbling up on the verge of anger. He took a deep breath to get his temper back under control before turning back to Logan, purposely ignoring James “Okay, so, me and Carlos were gonna go get smoothies, you wanna come?” He really wanted to get Logan alone, hopefully without that frightened look on his face and ask him what was going on because something was seriously wrong here. And he needed to know what it was because his heart hurt thinking that James was hurting Logan in any way, especially if it was the way he thought James was hurting Logan.

He shook it off, not wanting to make any quick judgments before he knew the whole story. He started to stretch a hand out to the other boy but James slapped it away causing Kendall to wince and snatch his hand back. 

“He doesn’t want to go,” the taller boy snapped, taking another step towards Kendall, this time getting between the blond and the brunet on the bed. He crossed his arms again and stared down at Kendall almost like he was daring the blond to try to get past him. 

“What the fuck, James. What’s wrong with you?” he asked, brows furrowed and corners of his mouth downturned in a frown.

“You’re what’s wrong with me! Everywhere you go, people just fucking fall over you and I’m sick of it!” Kendall jumped at the suddenness of James’ anger and took a step back. He knew James had a bad temper and lately his trigger had been extra sensitive, but this was a little too much

“Dude, calm down,” he said, hands going out in a placating manner.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” James growled out and suddenly shoved at Kendall’s chest, causing him to stumble back in surprise at the force of James’ ire.

Kendall caught his balance at the last second. “What the fuck, James,” he exclaimed for a second time and he didn’t think before he rushed forward and shoved James back. 

The other boy’s eyes widened in surprise as he bumped into Logan’s desk, letting out a small hiss of pain before his face contorted in anger. He lunged forward, and Kendall suddenly found himself falling backwards, air rushing out of his lungs at the impact of James’ body against his own as he landed hard on the floor.

James sat down heavily on Kendall’s stomach, his hands immediately wrapping around his neck. Kendall’s eyes widened as James squeeze, his hand flying to grip James’ wrists, trying to get the other to let go as he felt James apply more pressure around his throat. 

“James, stop…” he gasped out, nails digging into James’ skin. He scrabbled against the other’s arms, scratching at him before he reached up and pressed the heel of his palm against James’ chin, trying to push him away.

But James just leaned away from his touch, his thumbs pressing down against his throat. The pressure built behind his eyes as he struggled to take in air through his constricted throat, little black dots beginning to swim behind his eyes. He heard Logan shout something, but couldn’t make it out and then Logan was grabbing at James’ arm in an attempt to make him stop.

“Stop it! You’re going to kill him!” Logan’s shout penetrated through the heavy pressure building in his head. He tried to focus on the other boy as he shoved at James, trying to push him off. The pressure suddenly eased off his throat as James elbowed Logan, shoving the smaller boy away. He gasped for air, his throat burning and he took the opportunity to reach up and grab James’ by the hair as he pushed him off.

James cried out, falling to the side and Kendall immediately tried to scramble to his feet but James grabbed a hold of the back of his shirt, tugging him back down before he could. He hit the ground and James pinned him down, sitting down on his back as he fisted the hair at the back of his head. 

He groaned in pain as James pulled his hair, lifting his head up. “Logan’s mine,” James growled out angrily in his ear, “You can’t have him.” And Kendall didn’t even know where that was coming from but he didn’t have time to think about it before his face met the floor in a violent collision. 

He cried out, pain erupting across the side of his face and he winced loudly as James pulled his head back again. He prepared himself for another impact but it never came. Instead James weight was suddenly gone and he quickly rolled away, hands coming up to touch his face, feeling for blood. They came away clean and he looked up sharply as he heard a thump and Logan cry out. 

James had the smaller boy pinned to the ground, straddling his waist and holding his wrists down in a tight grip. They were both breathing heavily, chests heaving in time with the other, “Let me go,” Logan exclaimed, struggling against James’ hold. 

Kendall pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the throbbing in his face as he ran forward, pushing James off of Logan. They fell in a heap beside Logan, both grunting at the impact. “Stop it, James!” Kendall exclaimed, breathless and desperate. He didn’t even know what they were fighting about, but it was apparent that James was crazy.

“Get off of me!” James shoved him off, elbow digging into his ribs as he did so, and Kendall quickly scrambled away. He watched as James sat up, chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath, eyes bright with fury and something else that Kendall couldn’t quite place. 

Kendall swallowed, wheezing slightly as he fought to get his breathing under control as well. His eyes flicked to Logan who was sat a few feet away, eyes wide and fearful as he watched James carefully. He turned back to James and found the other boy staring back at Logan.

Nothing was said and none of them moved for a long while before Kendall slowly got to his feet. He looked down at James, who was staring up at him silently, eyes still clouded with anger. “You stay away from him,” he said, voice a soft rasp. 

James just gazed up at him, jaw set firmly and when it became obvious that James wasn’t going to respond, Kendall let out a heavy sigh, walking over to where Logan was still sitting. He leaned down and grabbed him by the arm, gently pulling him to his feet.

Logan blinked up at him, looking a little lost and maybe even a little confused before his eyes went back to James. “Come on,” Kendall said softly, tugging at his arm gently.

——

Still in shock as Kendall dragged him into the room the blond shared with Carlos, Logan didn’t react as Kendall closed the door behind him and locked it before he turned to look at him. They stood like that for a moment, neither saying anything. Logan watched as Kendall’s jaw clenched and unclenched. He was still breathing heavily and had a bruise forming on his cheekbone and on the corner of his mouth along with finger-shaped bruises on his neck. He didn’t know how they were going to explain them away to everybody, but he was sure Kendall would think of something. 

Kendall took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly, “Logan, was he…” he stopped and Logan watched him swallow before he continued, “was he-was he _hurting_ you?” The words came out strained and Logan could tell it was difficult for Kendall to utter them.

He turned his face away because he couldn’t stand to look at Kendall anymore. He could see it in his eyes that Kendall still hadn’t figured it out. He probably thought James was just an abusive boyfriend. He swallowed thickly and breathed in slowly, “Not in the way you think…” he replied softly. He felt like he was going to be sick now that Kendall knew, or almost knew. Kendall was smart, he’d put the pieces together.

Kendall remained silent for a moment before Logan heard him swallow and clear his throat softly, “Was he _forcing_ himself on you…?” Logan inhaled sharply at the words and glanced up at Kendall. And if Logan thought Kendall’s previous question took a lot out of him, it was apparent from the look on his face that this one was even worse. Logan understood how hard it was to accept, to even think that someone he thought he knew, someone he had trusted and had even loved, would be capable of such a thing.

He looked down again and didn’t say anything. He bit his bottom lip, chest feeling tight 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Logan sighed and shook his head. “I…I didn’t know how…” he said quietly, and really, he’d asked himself that very same question for the past few weeks. But he didn’t know why he kept quiet about it, or why he continued to let James use him. He didn’t like it and he didn’t _want_ it but still, he said nothing. He begged with James, of course, pleaded with him to stop every time it happened. But whenever he thought about telling someone else, Kendall, Carlos, Mrs. Knight, even Gustavo, his chest tightened with shame and he couldn’t make the words form. 

Fear was another driving factor, he knew, but as much as he was afraid of James, he also knew that telling someone would make it stop. He didn’t like to think about what would happen to James though if he did. Because despite everything, deep down, Logan still considered James his friend and he liked to think that someday James would wake up and realize how much he was hurting Logan and if James really loved him like he claimed then he would stop. 

He ignored the small part of himself that laughed at the delusion and still he said nothing. James continued to slip into his bed at night, or cornered him in their bedroom when no one was around and touched and kissed him, marked him in ways that were more than skin deep.

Logan found a small relief in the fact that it wasn’t always painful, at least. James was still rough at times, but it never hurt quite as much as the first two times. Physically at least. The pain of the continued betrayal of their friendship still ran deep and sharp into Logan’s being. 

Most times, James touched him like he was a fragile piece of glass that would break if too much pressure was applied. And he whispered sweet words of love and affection against his skin as he kissed and licked down his body. Logan almost let himself believe that he wanted it during these times; that James wasn’t forcing him and the other boy really loved him. 

“You’re beautiful, Logan, so fucking gorgeous,” he would breathe along his chest and stomach as he softly kissed down his body, hands skimming along Logan’s inner thighs, spreading his legs wide. 

“I love you so much, Logie. I want you to be mine forever,” he would whisper huskily and breathlessly into his hair as he thrust slowly but vigorously into Logan from behind.

Logan hated himself for taking even the smallest bit of pleasure in it at these times, the part of him that wanted to be loved and wanted latching onto the lies James spoke, desperately wanting them to be true. He would clutch at James then, pulling him close as he wept into James’ shoulder, feeling sick with shame and self-loathing as he cried out his release. 

But then James could be extremely vile at other times and Logan preferred these moments to the others because then he could hate James and felt justified in his hatred. 

“No one’s ever going to want you now, you know. _He_ will never want you. Not when he can have Jo. What makes you think you have a chance against her? Especially now.” Pressed face down into his pillows, all Logan could do was close his eyes and let the words wash over him like poison, seeping into the open wounds James had left upon his heart. 

Each word was whispered wickedly into his ear, almost as if James took pleasure in breaking Logan further. “You’re dirty and used, Logan, filthy. Who could ever love you now, but me?”

Logan didn’t cry then, with his ass in the air, hips gripped tight as James pounded into him mercilessly from behind because the words echoed in his mind as truth. He just gritted his teeth and gripped the sheets, riding through the pain, clinging to it so he’d at least feel something.  
And afterward, when James was done and he’d forced Logan to orgasm as well, James would curl around him from behind, arms tight around his waist. He would pull Logan close until he was pressed flushed against James’ broad chest and press a hard kiss to the side of his head and always, he would whisper, “You’re mine. Remember that.”

And all Logan could do was nod, shut his eyes tight against the world and whisper a shaky “Okay, James.”

But now, Kendall knew and he didn’t know what was going to happen. He heard Kendall sigh heavily before he took a step closer. He flinched instinctively and Kendall inhaled sharply at his reaction before Logan found himself being pressed against Kendall’s chest, arms tight around him.

He stood stiffly for a moment before he relaxed into the embrace because he was being stupid. This was Kendall. Kendall would never hurt him.

“You should’ve told me,” Kendall said softly and he sounded like he was crying but Logan didn’t want to pull back to find out. He just shook his head, pressing himself closer to Kendall’s body and squeezed him tightly. “Logan, please talk to me. How long was he- was he doing that to you?”

But Logan just shook his head again because he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t even want to _think_ about it. It was bad enough that Kendall knew, he didn’t want to go into detail about how weak he was, how filthy he was now. And he knew that he was being selfish by clinging to the blond like that. He didn’t deserve to _touch_ Kendall, let alone be held by him. 

Kendall sighed, gripping Logan’s shoulders firmly and tried to push him away, but Logan held on tight, head shaking once more vigorously, “No, no, please. Don’t look at me,” he whispered thickly, fighting back the sob that threatened to erupt from his throat.

Kendall’s arms wrapped around him once again, holding him close, his face buried in his hair. He felt Kendall’s body shake against his own and there was no doubt in his mind now that the other boy was crying. “I’m so sorry, Logan,” he whispered hoarsely into his ear, “I’m so sorry.”

Logan didn’t think there was anything left in him to break, but the sound of Kendall’s voice as he apologizes for something that wasn’t his fault hurt and tears sprang to his eyes. “It’s okay, Kendall. It’s not your fault.”

“I should’ve realized sooner, I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know,” Kendall sobbed against his shoulder, burying his face into Logan’s neck as he tightened his arms around Logan’s torso.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, Kendall,” Logan said, running his hands up and down Kendall’s back comfortingly, “I didn’t want you to know. You can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault.” It was backwards, him comforting Kendall, but he would much rather suffer in silence forever than have Kendall hurting over him like this. 

Kendall eventually pulled away, taking a deep breath as he reached up to wipe at his eyes, “We need to tell someone, call the police-”

Logan pulled back sharply, fingers gripping the front of Kendall’s shirt tightly, “No!”

Kendall’s eyes widened and he furrowed his brows in confusion, “What? Why not?”

Logan took a deep breath, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. “You can’t call the police, they’ll take James away, put him in prison.”

“He deserves it! After what he did to you!”

Logan shook his head, fingers tugging at Kendall’s shirt desperately. His chest felt tight with anxiety as he continued to argue. “No-no, we can’t. We need him. There’s no Big Time Rush without James, remember?”

Kendall frowned down at him, “Fuck Big Time Rush. It’s not more important than you.”

And as much as those words warmed a part of Logan, he shook his head again. “It’s important to me and to Carlos and-and James is still our friend.”

Kendall stared at him incredulously before his eyebrows furrowed in consternation, “Why are you protecting him?”

Logan swallowed and looked away. “I’m-I’m not, it’s just, he’s still _James_ and he won’t do it again.” He knew it seemed like he was protecting James, but he wasn’t. He was protecting himself. If they called the cops then everyone would find out. He couldn’t handle the shame and humiliation of everyone knowing how weak he was. He would rather just forget about it and try to move on with his life.

“How can you be so sure?”

Logan looked up at Kendall, his lips quirking up in a feeble smile, “Because you know now…and-and I won’t let him,” he tacked on at the end with a burst of confidence he didn’t think he had.

Kendall sighed, eyes flicking back and forth between his, searching his eyes for something. “Okay,” he finally conceded, “But we’re switching rooms. I’ll talk to Carlos about it later.”

Logan’s stomach flipped at the thought of having to tell Carlos. He saw how the other boy idolized James. He might have even been in love with the taller boy and for Carlos to find out the truth about him, Logan couldn’t have that. It would break something in Carlos, something precious. “Don’t-don’t tell him why.”

Kendall nodded as if he knew exactly what Logan was thinking. If anyone should be protected from this, it should be Carlos. “I won’t,” he said, the corners of his mouth lifting up in a sad smile. 

Logan relaxed slightly, shoulders slumping as he looked up at Kendall, once again taking in the bruises James had inflicted. His fingers twitched to reach up and touch them, to try to rub them away. He didn’t move though and his eyes landed on Kendall’s mouth, first focusing the bruise on the side before sliding across to his bottom lip. 

He mentally begged the other boy to lean down and kiss him. He knew it wouldn’t change anything, wouldn’t make anything better, nor would it wash away what James’ had done to him, but he felt like it might be a good start. 

He watched as Kendall swallowed thickly and leaned forward. His heart skipped a beat and he closed his eyes, face tilting up slightly. But Kendall’s lips pressed against his forehead and he let out a shuddery sigh at that small benediction. “It’ll be okay, Logan. I won’t let him touch you ever again,” he whispered, pulling away.

Logan opened his eyes and smiled, moving into the safe comfort of Kendall’s presence once again, wrapping his arms tightly around the other’s torso. “Thank you,” he whispered, fighting back tears as Kendall squeezed him back. 

He knew it would never be okay, he was broken irrevocably, but for Kendall he could pretend.


End file.
